Leaving things behind

When I moved to New Hampshire seven years ago I had no job, no place to live and a car full of stuff.  I left behind family, friends, and security.  I knew it was a risky move.  But I also knew that I had to do it.  I uprooted and left everything behind.  It wasn't the first time I had done that in my life. 
I'm older now and the footloose and fancy-free lifestyle isn't as appealing.  I have a much richer community, and have settled into a life I enjoy for the most part.  Nevertheless, there is this urge pushing me on.  This time though, I am not so willing to leave everything behind.  But is this unwillingness to leave things behind holding me back from what I am meant to do?  Am I being called to move on but dragging my feet because I have "settled" in?  My instinct says no.  I think the total uprooting is the only way I know how to do things because in some ways it is the easiest way to satisfy the urge.  But then the urge returns seven years later.  I think now I must examine my life and look for the not-so-easy way of pushing myself on while remaining a part of this community.  Balance a life of motivation and ambition with the more settled part of my life.  I must admit that I am not a fan of the word "balance".  As soon as you put it in a sentence everything becomes twice as difficult. 

Ants are falling from the sky

Ok, so technically it is from the ceiling but all that I really care about is that it is above my head and they could potentially land in my HAIR!  I seem to have a problem with ants sunning themselves in my overhead flourescent fixture.  Clever ants.  However, if they lose their footing and land on my desk, they are toast. Fair warning.

I came to a realization today.  All of my issues are my mother's issues.  When I look at myself with an eye for self-improvement, I see all of the same faults that she has.  Lucky for me, we are both committed to becoming better people and so are helping each other toward this goal.  Any fault I float by her she has already tackled and so has some advice.  Now if I could only work on my ability to follow the advice of others, I would be all set.  Or at least well ahead of the curve.  Thanks Mom, thanks for everything.

Come Holy Spirit . . .

Fill the hearts of your faithful and kindle in them the fire of your love.
Send forth your Spirit, and they shall be created.
And You shall renew the face of the earth.

Tonight is Confirmation for our high school sophomore's at my beloved parish.  The bishop is coming, there will be many priests, and 36 young people parading in to the front of the church along with their sponsors.  It is a beautiful show . . . I mean liturgy.  That's right, it's a sacrament isn't it?  I keep losing sight of that in the midst of the chaos.  It is not a very well-understood sacrament in the grand scheme of sacraments.  While the other six are properly understood as doorways into greater participation in the Church, this one seems to be understood as an escape from participation in the Church.  It's like a religious education graduation ceremony. 
Nevertheless, it is a beautiful moment in the lives of these young people and I, by association, get to participate in this beauty.  One more reason why I love my work with the church.

O, God, who by the light of the Holy Spirit, did instruct the hearts of the faithful, grant that by the same Holy Spirit we may be truly wise and ever enjoy His consolations. Through Christ Our Lord. Amen.

Justification and Self-Love

I'm really good at justifying things.  Granted, I'm better at it when it's for my benefit.  Still, I think I could pull it off for just about anything.  So, if you need to justify something but can't quite come up with it, I'm your girl. 

A couple of months ago a priest told me in the confessional that I was awfully hard on myself and that I needed to learn to love myself a little better.  No offense to him, but I think it was a line.  I'm pretty sure a good 90% of my sins are due to ego.  I really do think highly of myself.  Luckily I have great friends and family who put up with it (coincidentally, I also think that they are better than everybody else).  And because God is better than me, my absolution that day in the confessional was still valid even though I thought I knew better than the priest.  How can I not love myself?  Even God thinks I'm hot stuff.

I can even justify my ego. ;)

My first blog posting ever . . .

Wow, this is a bit intimidating.  I'm doing this because I don't journal but am starting to think that I should.  And because a friend urged me to.  So here I sit, staring at a blank screen thinking of all the possible topics for this post (hence my blog title).  I tend to get bogged down in a multitude of possibilities.  The more possibilities that exist, the more excited I get and the less focused I become.  Then everything falls apart and nothing gets done.  So one of my objectives for self-improvement: relish the possibilities BUT choose one.  Ah, the choosing.  How I dislike that part.  I prefer to leave all avenues open.  The flip side of that is that I do also like to actually accomplish things.  *sigh*

What do you know?   I managed to write my first blog post all about possibilities.  One choice down.  So many others to make!